Fun Quotes

When I meet someone boring, I try to find out what makes them boring. After a while, the boredom becomes fascinating! - Dennis Prager

Physics is like sex. Sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it. - R. Feynman

"You say, "Do you want a cup of coffee?" and she says, "Yeah, okay." Then sex is on, yes? Doesn't always work, though. If the President of Barundi says do you want a cup of coffee..."

I bought a dog ... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay! ... Now he just ignores me. - Steven Wright

"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield. 

 "I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?" - Paul Merton.

"What do Catherine the Great, Attila the Hun, and Bozo the Clown have in common? [Answer:] They all have the same middle name." - Stephen Jay Gould.

"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down." - George Burns. 

"We had gay burglars. They broke in and rearranged the furniture." - Robin Williams.

Lady X: Prime Minister, you're drunk. 
Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly, but I shall be sober in the morning.
Lady X: If you were my husband, I'd put poison in your tea. 
Churchill: Madam, if you were my wife ... I'd drink it.

"What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers." - Dave Barry fun quotes, see also depressing quotes.  

Dave Chappelle quotes

“You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.”

"Hey, it's white boy... Hey white boy find the square root of this room."

"America wanna see me live, not work."

"What can I say about that suit that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan; It looks bombed out and depleted." Cute quotes